guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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