Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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