I like to think it a success when the cops are called
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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