Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
