My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
