where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
