her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
