I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
