True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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