I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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