the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
