Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's like iHOP with fire
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
