I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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