Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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