Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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