marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
