That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
