Your face is a jimmy john
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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