uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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