Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
