You just made me feel so damn special
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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