Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
