i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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