It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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