When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
