you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
