Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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