ya dads aren't the best wingmen
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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