I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
