It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
