The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
