Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
