what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
