upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
