You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
