my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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