Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
