Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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