All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
