The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
