I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
