There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
