Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Randomize
