your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
