Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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