how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to calm my uterus...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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