dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
