the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
