If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my shit smells like andre
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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