the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
